Separation/Individuation is a primary goal for a person, which can last a lifetime.
Separation/Individuation is awareness that we are separate psychological entities from our attachment figures - mother and father. In this awareness we can detach from their fears, traumas, and judgements - THESE FEARS DO NOT BELONG TO US! They have just been passed down inter-generationally.
WITHOUT separation/individuation, transference and countertransference is not a phenomena that occurs occasionally, it is a CONTINUOUS subconscious process; we are continuously assuming our dynamic positions with one another. I NEED you, so dynamically you assume the role of mother or father, and I child; you need me, I become father or mother, and you child. These are the people we NEEDED most, even if they were not there, and based on this need, we are constantly looking to fill the hole within us through relationships with others. That is why breakups are so painful! It's hard having mom or dad taken away from us a second time. It is our greatest fear and most painful loss.
Separation/Individuation is a healing from this loss and a separation from this fear. It is an understanding that I can forgive others and myself to overcome trauma. I can love others and myself, regardless of what happened in the past. I am capable of forgiveness and compassion towards others and myself. This is MY POWER AND CHOICE. I can be the best mother and father for myself, because I am WHOLE! I can be the best partner for you, because I don't NEED you - I can just love you as I love myself.
Spiritually, this is the moment when we transition from loneliness, which is based on need, to "aloneness" - an understanding that we are complete within our own being and at peace with ourselves. Only when we are at peace with ourselves, can we be at peace with others.
Spiritually - When we can forgive mother and father for passing on to us their trauma/karma, through compassion and an understanding of the pain they also endured; when we can forgive mother and father for not providing us with everything we needed, because they were not perfect and neither are we - then we can make peace with ALL beings who represent this dynamic of mother and father, including the masculine and feminine energies which WE are composed of. We can now forgive and make peace with ourselves. We have broken karma.
All of existence is represented by this mother-father dynamic, this masculine-feminine energy, this duality. We call it Male-Female of every species, Yin-Yang, Sun-Moon, Water-Fire, Day-Night, Hot-Cold, etc...
When we make peace with all of existence, essentially we cease separation from existence.
Separation/Individuation - Aloneness - has now become the realization that we are all ONE. Duality has ceased. We are never separate, never alone.
- Michael Garbe